Me
                         

I am a very curious person and I am most curious about human existence and the meaning of life. Back In my 20’s I came in contact with Buddhism and I was captivated by its practical approach and clear instruction about how to live a good and wholesome life. I can remember feeling so happy that I had found this knowledge, and that I had found a way to guide me forward in life. Through my 30s and 40s, I continued on this path and lived a reasonably peaceful life. But despite my best intentions my life came crashing down when I was 50.  

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For me, it was a marriage breakup and the ensuing breakdown of life as I knew it. This was a shock. And in another way it was not a shock as  I had feelings of discomfort and confusion in my life and my marriage but I had been afraid of looking into these areas and instead I had chosen to stay in my calm place ie in my head. Unknown to me then, I had been “spiritually bypassing” ie focusing on my spirituality and not on my emotional well-being. If I am radically honest I was afraid to look at my emotions, afraid that if I did that it would make things worse and that I would not be able to deal with it all. So I deemed it safer to stay in the realm of my mind.  

Change was needed and now change was upon me and I had to face all that I had been afraid to face.     I made the decision to become real and to learn  what it was that I needed to learn.

One of the first things I learned was that I was co-dependent, I remember asking my  therapist  if being co dependant was bad, she laughed and said, put it this way, about 80% of the population are co-dependant!  Not too bad I thought!  It made sense to me, I knew that I was a people pleaser and that I depended on the praise and love of others  for my sense of value and worth.

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It took me a while to realise how emotionally illiterate I was, and that I had in fact all sorts of strategies built up around myself to stop me from looking deeply inward and addressing my core issues.  But I was determined, so I continued on my  journey.

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18 months in, I studied to become a Life Coach,  this was a big part of my personal growth, it felt so good to be learning and growing. While I was studying I was also training and working as a Community Health Facilitator and part of my role was designing and delivering well-being courses in the community, my personal favorite was a course  inspired by Karla Mclaren, called the Language of Emotions. I love her practical approach on all things emotional.  I have since studied many different modalities and read extensively and have had many interesting and expansive learning adventures but my biggest learning has been learning to love and trust myself, this has been the gold in it all. And it is an ongoing and deepening practice.

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Learning is amazing but living it is the real adventure 

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Along the way, I experienced so much more of life, I cried until I felt the bottom of me,  I emptied and found the peace underneath it all.  I discovered that the things I had been so afraid of were not the threats that I thought they were. And this has been so liberating.

I found wise and loving people on my path, people  who showed me the love I needed, and helped me make my way to love. And for this, I am most grateful.

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​I feel more me, more real, more loving, more energized and I live a more stimulating and fun life. I am still learning and growing and now I  have a resilience that can never be lost no matter what life throws at me. 

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I have been humbled, and continue to be humbled. I am being moved more and more into a loving place. Perhaps this path, of pain and beauty is the meaning of this beautiful life. 

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